Did I Delete That?

Hello once again, Readers! Long time no talk. I’ve been writing my fingers off, well, maybe not literally…you know what I mean.

Any who.

I went through my deleted scenes the other day, just for old times sake, and stumbled on quite a bit that I had forgotten about. It’s funny when you write your first draft, just how completely different it can be from your final story. Born in Flames was my first attempt at writing…like ever. And when I looked back at that very first draft, I shook my head in shame lol.

Wowza.

But I digress.

I have quite a bit of backstories for certain characters and other scenes that didn’t make the final cut at the last minute. There are some, like the one I will be sharing with you today, that I am a little sad I cut. But the good thing is I kept it. I know I’ve said before to keep everything you cut and this is exactly why. Though I will never use it for other novels, I will always have it to share with my lovely readers. So all hope is not lost.

*Potential spoiler alert for those who want to, but haven’t yet read Born in Flames.*

Long story short, there were a series of dream sequences in Born in Flames that occurred after Fenn left when he received the letter where he visited her in her dreams. She only believed it as a dream when in reality, he was really visiting her using the magic from the other realm. It didn’t make the final cuts because at the time, I didn’t think it was necessary. I wanted to take away her security blanket so she could see that she could do it on her own. My publisher was actually sad that I didn’t want to keep them. Reading back through them, I kind of wish I had lol. Any who, here is the first time she dreamed of him the night he left after she fell asleep in a heap of tears:

Images of fire raced through my mind. I was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, a place where I could finally be in a state of ease. A place where the boulder of lies could be lifted off my chest.

The fire ceased and I slowly opened my eyes, noting there was absolutely nothing surrounding me. I was standing in a white nothingness. I mean literally, there was nothing as far as the eye could see.

“I knew I was sick and twisted,” I said out loud. How could I portray loneliness as a comfort in my dream? Maybe it was my mind’s way of training itself into thinking being lonely is comforting. A survival instinct.

“You’re not sick and twisted,” floated the beautiful, haunting voice of my despair.

Well there you have it, proof that I am sick and twisted. This must be my way of torturing myself, I thought.

I stood there for a moment trying to come up with a good reason as to why I would do this to myself. Maybe for closure? That is if I had said everything I wished I would have said before he had the chance to run from me.

“Please turn around,” his pleading voice commanded as he gently tugged at my arm. The warmth of his touch illuminated my scarred heart. The lullaby played softly on the air, mood music between me and my fictional friend. I couldn’t help but wish deep down that he would really be real. That he had really come back for me.

No. This type of thinking will only make you pay when you wake up and find yourself alone again, I thought painfully.

But I did as he asked and turned to face him, my breath catching at the sight of his handsome face. It was as if there was a halo of light beaming down upon him, lighting up every chiseled, mesmerizing feature. His eyes sparkled above his perfect smile.

“I’m sorry I left you like that, but I had no choice,” he coaxed, leaning his head down to mine where our foreheads met. He wrapped me up in his arms. I don’t know why I let him, but I do know that the hole he left felt temporarily full, even if he was imaginary. But it wasn’t quite enough to curb the nerve he struck with his admittance of having no choice.

“Really?” I asked mockingly. “You had no choice in leaving the one person who has never failed you, behind?” I yanked myself free and stood back to glare up at him. Only this death stare wasn’t meant to be cute. It was meant to show the gut wrenching pain I had been put through since he left.

He winced.

“You’re so called “mother” left you to grow up in a foster home, Fenn, never letting you know who or where she was,”  I gritted out, my voice steadily rising. “How could you just drop everything, drop me for that matter, because she came calling out of the blue?”

He reached for me, but I yanked away. I wanted the ease and comfort of this dream to come back, but the pain had poisoned its way in, preventing me from holding back.

Forcefully, he pulled me into him, pressing my heated face against his chest.

Good, maybe the angry tears swimming in my eyes will burn him, I thought.

But I allowed myself to smell his familiar scent and felt the anger temporarily subside instead. He felt and smelled so real. And I wanted nothing more than for it to be true. For him to be here with me.

My body caved in against my mind’s command, relaxing into him. There was no point in guarding myself. This was going to hurt immensely in the morning.

“You have to keep searching, Rory. I know that now.” He let his head drop, eyes scanning the floor. With his voice a few octaves softer he continued, “Don’t let my stupidity put a halt to your life. It’s not worth it.” I think I heard him catch his breath as he broke off on that last sentence.

This was easy for him to say, but not easy for me to execute.

Does he not understand what it feels like to be left behind? How could he not, he’s a foster child, I thought, vibrating with hurt and anger.

He let his goofy grin try and push away my sad thoughts, and then looked behind us suspiciously. “I can’t stay in your dream, I have to go now. Remember you’re stronger than this. I won’t be able to come back for awhile, but just know that I’m always with you as corny as that sounds.” He nudged me with his elbow then pulled me into him.

I was so confused by what he was saying.

“I miss my friend,” I whispered desperately, not wanting to let him go again.

“I miss you more,” he replied in anguish. His words sounded like an apology.

Then I felt his lips brush my forehead as I closed my eyes and let myself really feel him. When I opened them again, he was gone.

Sitting there in my white nothingness, I thought about everything he had said. The dreams I had of Zordon needed to be pursued and I had to go on alone if I was going to accomplish this. I just hated having to do it alone. I guess it was time for me to grow up though.

Maybe I’m not so sadistic after all. My subconscious was just giving me a good kick in the ass.

And scene.

There are a few more dreams that I will eventually share. But in the meantime, how about I leave you with a question?

How often do you dream and do you remember when you wake?

Echelon out ♥

Fenn’s Journal

-Day 4

I’m ready to think about what happened last night. I’m going to have to face it sooner or later.

Let me start by writing: Everything is different now.

It started at the restaurant. After I tried to tell Rory that I had feelings for her, she shot me down with her BS excuse about how we couldn’t work because of our “past”. I played my declaration off as trying to buy a car together instead of the confession that it really was.

Lame, but it was all I could think of.

I think she was upset that I didn’t push harder. She’s used to me making her listen. But I’m not going to force her to recognize that she loves me more than a friend. She has to fall, just like every one else. Just like I did for her. Only then will it be real between us.

Any way, she excused herself. That creep guy was nearby, because as soon as she left, he approached our table. He said he needed me to listen to him. He said if I took her to the horse ranch, it would alternate the course we were supposed to be on. He said I should take her home instead because there would be a bad storm and we would be caught in the middle. Lightning would strike, thus causing a fire nearby. He said this fire will set Aurora on a path that I wouldn’t be able to follow.

I don’t exactly know why, but I saw red.

I did what I thought was right in the moment. I took him outside. I was ready to show him just what I thought of him. I wanted him to leave us alone. I didn’t want to believe that he could be right. I didn’t want to know that Aurora and I were truly different. I didn’t believe that we were from somewhere else.

And boy was I wrong.

I took her to the horse ranch any way, despite Rory being angry with me for shoving the creep even further away from us. And, well, lightning struck.

What happened last night, it was something that I am still trying to wrap my mind around. After Rory fell off her horse and was nicked in the head, lightning struck a tree nearby. The fire was alive if that makes any sense. It seemed to sense Aurora. It moved towards her and encircled her. It scared the shit out of me. Every fiber in my being screamed to protect her. I thought she was going to burn alive. But when I tried to pull her from the fire, she had this vacant look in her eyes. She wasn’t my Rory, but something much more powerful. She threw me backwards with a flick of her wrist.

I got up and tried again, refusing to give up on her. When I jumped through the wall of flames, they stuck to my skin like tar. That’s how she came back to me. She thought I was hurt. Luckily, I heal quickly, always have. The burns were gone within seconds. She was so frail, so scared. It was in that moment, when we clung to each other as the rain drenched us, that I realized I had really messed up.

We could have been killed and all because I didn’t want to hear what that creepy guy had to say. I have to stop denying this. I have to come to terms with the fact that Aurora and I are meant for something more. And that the creepy guys knows exactly what it is.

I have to find him and make this right.

She’s stirring now. I put a Shortcake Band-aid on her bruise. I’m trying not to laugh at her cuteness. She’s so beautiful. I wish I could kiss her.

Man I need to get a life.

Later,

Fenn

 

Fenn’s Journal

-Day 3

The date didn’t go as planned. I should have known. When does anything ever go as planned for me? Is it even worth writing about anymore? I flip back through this journal and the majority of what I see is unplanned, not normal events taking place. What happened to the days when things made sense? Did they ever make sense?

There was a small moment, at the restaurant, when Aurora looked at me. I mean, she really looked at me. The blush in her cheeks and the way she bit her lower lip, it always happens when she’s nervous or embarrassed. She said I was the yin to her yang. I know that sounds silly, but it was the look in her eyes that made the statement so much more. The wall between us broke a little more.

At least I thought it did, because right when I was about to admit my feelings, she cut off me off with a load of crap about how she doesn’t want to ruin our relationship. Stupid girl stuff. She has to sort every freaking thing out. Nice and neat. Love isn’t neat. It isn’t something you can plan. Why can’t she see that?

Just asking that…scares me. What if she can’t see it because she doesn’t feel how I feel?

Blah. I’m sick of thinking like this. Something’s gotta give. I won’t even touch on what happened after the restaurant. I’m not ready to walk through that just yet. Saying that my denial backfired big time, is a HUGE understatement. I’ve got a lot to think about.

Oh, Aurora lost her journal. Well…she says she lost her journal. I’m not sure if I believe her though because I offered to buy her another and she said no. So much for that idea.

Later,

Fenn

 

A Pink-Wrapped Gift

Hello once again, Readers!!! My daughter is two!!!!

Two years ago today, on 01/11/2011, my daughter, Scarlett, was born. She was another planned C-section so the doctor tried to rush and get her out by 11:11 (to complete the matching date), but missed by three minutes. I begged for them to take their time lol. It didn’t matter to me either way…I just wanted her healthy and happy.

With her, things were a little different. I already learned most of the lessons of raising a little one with Logan. I knew what to expect…therefore I could actually enjoy every moment rather than worrying if every noise was a sign of something.  Typical first-time-parent syndrome. You learn that every fall isn’t the end of the world, every cry doesn’t mean they are unhappy, and discipline is not going to hurt them. Trial and error at it’s best.

Logan was three when we decided to have another child. We didn’t want a huge age gap between them and were ready for another. I missed holding a baby and Logan was sprouting right before our eyes, past the cuddling stage. Once the decision was made, we found out a month later on mother’s day that we were carrying. And at 12 weeks (thanks to a wonderful ultrasound tech), I knew it was a girl.

Hearing those words, “You’re having a girl,” was insanely awesome. I already had my boy. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my fingers crossed that it was a girl. That is what Damon and I have always wanted. A boy and then a girl. The rest went by so fast. It’s like I wasn’t even pregnant.

And then the stars aligned and she was born. Again, Damon and I both wept happy tears when her cry pierced the busy operating room. The first thing I asked was, “She’s still a girl right?” Typical fear…check the fingers, toes, and gender. And yes indeedy…she was still a beautiful, healthy, peaceful little girl. When I held her in my arms for the first time, I almost couldn’t see through the tears of joy.

Watching her grow up with an older brother is such a blessing. They are so good to each other. Logan is patient and understanding, and always offering to help. He tries to teach her and play with her, even when she is being a typical toddler and throwing a fit. They crack me up. She chases him everywhere he goes screaming, “Where going Go-gan?” Too cute.

She rolled at four months, crawled at six, and walked at 11. He first word was dada (again), and she is the most cuddliest, sweetest baby ever. And I love watching her with Damon. Growing up without a father really makes me appreciate what I now have…what my children have. A great dad who will always be there for them.

She sings more songs than I thought a two-year-old could sing, she dances, loves running in circles, loves chocolate milk, counts to ten, gibbers and then bats her eyelashes, screams when she doesn’t get her way and then comes out of time out wanting a hug. She is my baby girl. She is a treasure and completes our family.

Now I’m tearing up. Too many dang birthdays. But on a neat note…I am now 26. My daughter is two and my son is six. Cool right?

Echelon out ♥

Six Sentence Sunday

Hello once again, Readers!!! It appears as if my sister and I are in a fierce, roaring battle. Who do you think will win?? I have dibs on myself because, well, I am me and I know that I am louder. And more cunning…even though that has nothing to do with roaring…

Okay…so we were just taking a bunch of silly photos while playing a board game. It’s what we do. We’re weird like that. But in my defense…TV can be boring and there haven’t been any good scary movies out lately (I’ve seen almost every one that’s out, so I know).We had to think of something to do.

And yes, this is what we came up with lol.

But I digress.

It’s been a while since I have partaken in Six Sentence Sunday. You already know why from my previous posts. Holidays and NaNo and *cough* pure laziness. Needless to say, I am excited to share six sentences from Embracing the Flames!!! I spoke to my publisher last night about the cover and what I had in mind, so I’m waiting to hear her ideas. She said we will have one by the end of the month. Woot!

I seriously can’t wait to see it!

Any who, without further adieu….shall we?

“I thought you were helping Astral,” I said stiffly.

“I was, but then I heard you say my name,” he answered with a cocky grin.

“How did you hear that from over there?”

He almost smiled. “I will always hear what you have to say, Rory. It’s one of the perks of you being part dragon.”

“Wait-what?” I coughed, confusion coloring my tone.

He brushed my hair behind my ears, his eyes burning with love. My mind went a bit dizzy.

“I read it in a book. Dragons take one mate for life-a soul mate of sorts.” He began to walk around me. “Whether you like it or not,” he said over my shoulder, his breath warming the skin of my neck, “you have already chosen me.”

Again with breaking the rules!!!! I know, I know. This is like 14 sentences. But I had to…it’s one of my favorite moments between Aurora and Fenn. Basically, Aurora is upset about a tiff between them both and says his name under her breath. When he appears at her door, asking her what she wants, she is baffled that he heard her. She hasn’t yet learned all of her capabilities that come with being a dragon. But since he’s had so much time in this realm, he’s read up on dragons. Thusly, his explanation about how she just can’t resist him-even when she’s mad.

So what’d ya think?

Now to leave you with a question: What’s for dinner? I stewed chicken with a side of noodles. Yum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Echelon out ♥